Our favorite analytic category for this blog is "lurkers." Of course, there's no such formal category by that name. But there doesn't need to be. When day after day we see an increasing number and variety of establishment agency people coming here to read quietly, and say nothing in response, well, they might as well be wearing sandwich boards that say, "Lurker." Love the word, don't you? It sounds like what they do: lurk. Rhymes with…

This, then, is a message to the lurkers: Now that you're listening… now that we have your attention after several days of shamelessly bashing just about everything in which you're paid handsomely to believe, it's only fair we extend the following olive branch. Here, in inverted order, are ten top responses you can feel free to use when your client calls after the inevitable happens. What's the inevitable thing that's going to happen? It's two things: you're client is going to hear from us or about us; and two, it's going to stir them to prod you about what they heard.

They're going to want you to defend your old ways and underwhelming results and exorbitant fees against a set of authentic, direct, edgy and compelling community communications options that on some instinctive level they just plain know down deep are true. Clearly, it's only fair we help you prepare a ready response or two. Here they are, although unfortunately, some clients will have a follow-up statement that could be a little hard to hear:

10. You're breaking up… let me call you back… (No, I'm not breaking up, we are…)

9. Did I say you could chat with them? (No you didn't, but then again, I haven't actually heard from you in weeks.)

8. Can they get you that mention we scored for you in Gun Dog Magazine? (Quarterly? Circulation six? They could, but thankfully they won't.)

7. Oh please, [invoke sotto voce tone, with overlay of derision], they're a boutique for the wild-eyed crazies… (Unlike you guys who are a dough-tique?)

6. I'm calling that jerk Sterling immediately and demanding he stop poaching you… (Bad idea. How about you call Sterling and ask him to start coaching you?)

5. This word "blog" you keep using… that's French, right? Could you spell that for me? (Finis)

4.You know, if you take them seriously, the mainstream media will never talk to you again. (Ouch. In case you haven't noticed, thanks to you, they don't talk to me now.)

3. Do you know who you're talking to? (Aren't you the guy who came here once and pitched my business and said you'd be involved directly day to day?)

2. Could you send me a copy of their materials?  (They don't have any materials. They have ideas. Do you have a place to store an idea or two if I send you one?)

1. Do they have any openings over there? (Maybe you should call that jerk Sterling and ask him…)

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