"Many minds. Singular results." Certainly everyone knows what agency I'm talking about. No? That tag line isn't a dead give away? [Note: You'll have more fun reading this if you ignore the links until later.]

How about this one: "Pioneer Thinking." Still nothing?

OK, here's an easy one: "WE call it innovation communications, and we invented it."  Like WE care?

Let's take a refreshing pause here to consider the following: why do people who sell corporate and product messaging and positioning services at a premium say such vapid things when trying to explain themselves? One theory: faced with trying to differentiate vanilla ice cream from vanilla ice cream and finding that impossible, they evolve to the meaningless, the outrageous, or the incredible.

Some people collect stamps and butterflies for fun. I collect establishment agency tag lines and positioning statements and then imagine how these train wrecks happened. Yes, a long career in establishment PR can make a person this dull in his or her free time.

Nevertheless, here's a favorite: "What does success look like to you. That's the first question we ask." In other words, this agency's value-added is that they ask you what you want and then they serve it up. I'd shorten it for them to something like, "No push back" or "Order takers for hire…"

Then there's the agency that, among other things, says it offers "…the right mix of tools to solve virtually any client business problem." Wow! Any client business problem? I recommend they merge with the agency that identifies itself this way: The "No Hype" Public Relations Agency. However, the hyperventilation that follows in support of that statement is voluminous.

Naturally, this may motivate these and other establishment firms to scrutinize our tag line: Marketing that makes your company famous. I hope so anyway because there's nothing I'd enjoy more than a lively debate about it.

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